Perspective Part II – Stop the Comparing Game | Forget about Your Weaknesses

In my last article I tried to take a look at the meaning of the term Self-Confidence. Today I want to take another approach to look at Self-Confidence from a different angle.

Let’s assume You feel that You have little Self-Confidence. Now ask Yourself: Is it really true for every area of my life or are there situations when I am actually self-confident or at least neutral? I can imagine that You can think of certain situations where You do feel self-confident . The funny thing is that for some reason we think that in order to be self-confident it has to be in every area of our lives which leads to us lowering our self-worth. But this is a stupid thing to do and of course totally unnecessary.

So whatever the reasons for You feeling less self-confident may be I’d like You to think of something right now that You are really good at. Whatever it is, how do You feel when You are doing it? Don’t You actually feel confident and trust in Your own abilities? And isn’t that what describes Self-Confidence? I know this may sound a little bit too easy but I just want to point out that there are areas that You are good at and thus You experience Self-Confidence already even though it might not appear to You. It’s important that You remember and acknowledge that.

Stop the Comparing Game

Another funny thing is that our level of Self-Confidence alters in the presence of different people. For example You may be pretty good at something but there is always someone who is still better. For some reason (I haven’t figured it out yet) the trust in our own abilities shrinks as soon as someone is present whom we consider to be better. Speaking of better…

The habit of comparing ourselves to more or less everyone around us all the time is another reason for lacking Self-Confidence. Since we are raised that way it’s logical for us to maintain that habit and since it happens mostly unconsciously we’re often not even aware of what’s happening. The thing is though, by constantly comparing ourselves to others and what they have achieved in their lives or how good they are at something we may put ourselves down. You also need to take into account that the comparison is incomplete and thus doesn’t make sense anyways because You are only comparing Yourself in that one particular field.

Even if it’s the other way around and we find ourselves better than someone else it still doesn’t do us any good since we are tied to those external values that determine our self-worth.

Of course it’s totally ok to look up to others for inspiration but still knowing who You are. I suggest You NEVER look down at anyone though.

Forget about Your weaknesses

Knowing who we are is sure nothing we develop overnight but You can start by evaluating Your personal strengths and weaknesses. As said in the beginning everyone should have some areas where they feel more capable than in the rest. Start by identifying those areas and then decide to concentrate on one for some time and improve Your skills even further.

In our school days we’ve been taught to concentrate on our weaknesses and put extra effort into balancing those out. That may be a good approach to even out Your school grades but it sure doesn’t lead to excellence in any field.

Here’s an easy example: Imagine You being really good with numbers but Your language skills aren’t all that great. The usual approach would be to say “Ok, now You already know maths but You need to put much more effort into Your writing to get a better grade.” The thing is though that if You took that time and effort that’s needed to improve Your writing skills You may become a genius in maths because You already have it in You. Unfortunately in our system we’re not taught that way which leads to us focusing on our weaknesses most of the time, leaving us with little Self-Confidence instead of empowering us to concentrate on what we are already good at and become even better up to a state where we are absolutely self-confident about our abilities.

Knowing what You are currently not good at (yet) is of course helpful to be aware of but knowing what You CAN do is much more powerful.

However, it is not meant to completely neglect Your weaknesses. Simply being aware of them though will already improve Your level of Self-Confidence by itself. Just don’t pay too much attention to them in a way that would bring You down.

Handling Your weaknesses

A nice approach to treat Your weaknesses is to say: “I can’t do or don’t know it YET.”

Yet can be any time frame from 1 day up to 100 years or more (Your imagination is the limit). That way You can step out of the position of lacking knowledge or skill because You know that if You had the time necessary You’d be able to learn it (whatever ‘it’ may be for You). It’s just not as important to You right now, that’s all 😉

Looking at any weaknesses from that perspective You can free Yourself of Your weaknesses and stop linking Your Self-Worth to them.

And when You feel ready, pick one of Your weaknesses that’s currently bothering You and gently start working on it. Stepping into Your fears is a powerful way of growing Your Self-Confidence but it also takes a lot of guts to do so. That’s why it might be helpful to make a list of Your weaknesses / fears that You would like to work on. Once You have them all written down rate them from 1 to 10 each depending on how strong they seem to You. Then start with the lowest rated ones to get Your first positive results and build some references. That way You gain experience which will again lead to higher confidence when You get to the higher rated ones because You can then just look back saying “Hey, I already did that and it was ok.”

A quick example: On a seminar I attended we were given the task to partner up with someone, sit down closely facing and look each other in the eyes for 20 minutes. Yes, that’s correct. 20(!) minutes. And no talking. Bofere that experience I wasn’t really able to look anyone in the eye for a long period, especially strangers. But now it’s easy for me because I have that reference I can always refer to.

Interested in some more, valuable information for immediate action?

Grab a copy of Your Free Guide ‘10+2 Actionable Tips on How to Grow Your Self-Confidence‘ here:

Your e-mail will be kept safely and never be passed on to anyone.

Ein Kommentar, sei der nächste!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *